It's about our community and our spirituality!


In order to help the misses and I rebuild our relationship we have to spend more time courting. So in the past few weeks we’ve been doing a lot of the dating we haven’t done for a long time. We’ve been to the St. Louis Zoo, or at least half of it. It’s a pretty big place and we had a slow pace. After just a couple of hours our son decided he had enough and we had to save the rest for another day. We’ve been to the St. Louis Art Museum. We’ve gone to the park more than a few times and we take strolls through different parts of the city.

We went to the movies the other day. It was the first time we’ve done that in a little while. Right after we dropped our son off at the preschool we skipped out to catch a 9:00 AM matinee. We went to see Inception, the new psychological thriller featuring an all star cast starring Leonardo DiCaprio as Dom Cobb. Mr. Cobb leads a highly skilled team of individuals who specialize in a form of espionage by stealing secrets directly from people’s minds by entering their dreams. But in a slight twist, instead of stealing corporate secrets, Mr. Cobb is hired by a businessman to plant an idea into a corporate competitor’s conscious as he slept. Mr. Cobb and his team is hired to perform Inception.

The movie was off the charts with all of its intrigue carefully woven into a complex yet very entertaining storyline that kept me gripped from the moment it started to the very end. I was a bit disappointed with the way the movie ended, but by no means did it diminish the entertainment value of this film one iota. I’m not even going to try to recap the story in any kind of detail. But I will say that the story touches a great deal on what goes on in people’s heads as you would think a story about people going into other people’s dreams would.

Mr. Cobb is trying to deal with his guilt for what he believes is his responsibility for his wife’s death and lives what remains of his life in exile away from his two young children. Through a series of unfortunate incidents, the police hold Mr. Cobb responsible for the murder of his wife. Unable to see a way out of his predicament, he flees the country abandoning his children and leaving them behind with relatives. He spends a great deal of his free time in a dream state where he can enjoy his wife’s company.

Please note, “enjoy” is a subjective, relative term. He enjoys the anguish the image of his wife takes in his mind. She betrays him and works to sabotage his unconscious escapades at every opportunity. And yet, he finds it difficult to do anything about her to keep her mischief at bay. I watched the film marveling at the complexity of the psychosis at play. Although solutions look fairly simple, the character tortured his self to make do without that which he knew would set him free. So many times I wanted to yell at the tragic man on the silver screen to pop a cap in his wife’s ass. It wasn’t her but his mind’s interpretation of her.

But that meant he would eliminate that which he felt he needed most, which was his guilt. If he did away with that part of his subconscious that was being represented by his wife’s projection, he wouldn’t have the guilt that he wanted. Even though he could have fairly easily put his life back together and restart his relationship with his children, his mind needed the anguish, needed to be reminded that his wife was gone and he was somehow responsible. Truly a tragic case if ever there was one.

Sitting in the theater, going through what my significant other and I have recently gone through, I couldn’t help but relate to the tragic figure that Mr. DiCaprio represented. In a way, he was me and I was him. Although he had some knowledge of his psychosis, I realized that I had been operating in my own psychosis giving me the motivation to make some pretty poor choices that will reverberate through my relationship with my woman for the rest of my life. Through my own psychosis, like the man in the movie, I lost site of what was important to me, a life with my loved ones.

The man in the movie still had his children. Although he called them no matter where he was in the world to talk with them, it really was a poor substitute for being their father and involved in their lives on a daily basis. He made the choice to do something other than to be with his family. I have to come to terms with the fact that I had made similar choices that kept me away from my family.

Looking at the film and responding to it the way I did, I was reminded of my affair and I was even more ashamed of myself. Despite whatever is happening in my head, there is never a good time to build false realities to escape the regrets from our past. I lost sight of that.  I have to face the fact that I will have to spend the rest of my life trying to correct my mistakes.  And I have to fact the fact that this may be an never ending endeavor.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010 - Posted by | Life, Thoughts


  1. Don’t believe that, brother. Mistakes are made all day, every day. It’s not new. You’re not the only one who has made them. There is Forgiveness, brother.
    We don’t have to live in lifelong torture for our mistakes.

    Comment by Anna Renee | Wednesday, August 18, 2010 | Reply

  2. I agree with Ms. Renee. Mistakes: I know that you aren’t alone in that area, and my daughter lives 1000 miles away (in Austin, Tx) as a partial result of that.

    We are going to make them. That isn’t an excuse and perhaps the guilt can help us avoid putting ourselves in a slippery situation in the future. This is the old “if you don’t want to slip, avoid slippery places” thing.

    But also, there are worse mistakes that we haven’t made; remember that our tax dollars fund police departments which feature departments devoted to things like sex abuse of children.

    Thanks for your thoughtful post; you are NOT alone.

    Comment by blueollie | Wednesday, August 18, 2010 | Reply

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