brotherpeacemaker

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Throwing In The Towel

The misses and I suffered another argument last night.  It looks like if we stay together this will become part of our standard operating procedure.  The disagreements from our misunderstandings will never go away.  Even after all the therapy, after all the renewed commitments, we are still struggling just to meet each other halfway.  We have decided to throw in the towel.  It is official, the misses and I have decided to call it quits.

I’m just kidding.  In many respects, we’re closer now than we’ve been in what seems like a very long time.  It’s true that we had another argument last night.  The misses read my last post last night and got hot under her collar.  She felt that the post was one sided, my sided.  She felt like I was trying to make her look like a jerk while I was trying to make it look like I was doing everything to be reasonable.  She was livid.  She felt betrayed, again.

I apologized and replied that I wasn’t trying to make her seem like a jerk.  I was just trying to write how I felt.  And like a lot of people who have been injured, she had a very quick retort.  She said something to the effect of, you didn’t bother to write how you felt when you were having an affair so why all the honesty about your feelings now?

That stung me like a backhanded bitch slap across the face.  Almost instantly what remained of my ego started to respond.  My guilt and shame over what I had done came roaring back to consume me.  I didn’t need that.  But then again, she didn’t think she needed me saying what I had to say.  She might have had a point.

Instead of getting lost in my own hurt, I had to hear what she was trying to tell me and I had to agree with her.  She didn’t mind that I felt the way I did when I wrote what I did.  She could understand that.  But she didn’t want the world to see our troubles, at least not without being given the chance to see what exactly is being said and giving some approval.  She had a very valid point.  I have to admit, if I saw how she felt over the past few days on a blog I probably wouldn’t like what I saw very much.  I apologized again.

And to her credit, after she had aired how she felt, the misses softened.  She was angry but after she said what she had to say, she quickly moved back to her usual mode.  And after this relatively small, isolated storm passed, we went back to working on our groove.

Last night we suffered another argument and it will become part of our standard operating procedure.  All relationships worth having will have disagreements and arguments.  It’s part of our social makeup.  And an argument, misunderstanding, disagreement, or whatever you’d like to call it, will be part of the standard operating procedure.  And it doesn’t matter how many therapy sessions we go to, we’re going to step on each other’s toes and we’re going to have set backs.  But these incidents don’t define who we are as a couple, not if we don’t want them to.

And yes we threw in the towel.  We called it quits.  We stopped with the escalation and we started listening.  We made the choice to listen to what the therapist had been trying to tell us and put some of our new interaction tools into practice.

Right now we’re committed to trying to come to some understanding so that we can fully reconcile.  It’s going to be hard.  I’m not trying to downplay the difficulty facing us.  I’m not saying that we’re completely healed or ready to put everything about this ordeal behind us.  But we’re going to give this our all.  We are committed to restoring our relationship and we will do what we must.  The trust that she had in me is gone and it may not ever come back.  But my trust in her is stronger than ever.

For those who prayed for us and wished us well, on behalf of my family I extend our deepest and most sincere thanks.  We are going to make it.

Friday, August 13, 2010 - Posted by | Life, Thoughts

2 Comments »

  1. It’s a hard path, but I’m glad you two are working toward the path and application of healing. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers.

    Comment by Mike Lovell | Friday, August 13, 2010 | Reply

  2. If I was standing next to you, I’d slap you for scaring me!!! smile
    Oooh, brother, you’re building peace!!!!
    Remember, it’s going to take more than a couple weeks!
    ;-D

    Comment by Anna Renee | Friday, August 13, 2010 | Reply


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