It's about our community and our spirituality!

SBF Looking For SWM (SBM Need Not Apply)


I have a love of cars that keeps me looking through the classified section of the local paper looking to see what people are charging for new cars these days.  The other day I was looking at the paper and was surprised to see a version of the Nissan Versa going for something ridiculous like nine thousand dollars, about the same price as a Hyundai Elantra.  Although I would loathe buying either one, their prices are so low that I really couldn’t justify spending another six thousand on a fifteen thousand dollar Honda Fit.  It seems the little Honda is recession proof.

At the end of the automobile classifieds was the Dating Page.  Each ad was done in big bold print in order to fill the entire page.  While the regular classified would have a font size of about six, the page of people seeking relationships looked like it had a font size of about fourteen.  It appears that the newspaper advertising for dates is dwindling in this part of the country but the newspaper insist on filling the page, if not with more ads then with bigger ads.  The extra large font and bold print caught my eye and before I realized what I was doing I was reading the Dating Page.

There was one ad in particular that caught my eye.  A single black woman was looking for a single white male for a long term relationship, black men need not apply.  Although it was expected, nevertheless I was disappointed to see a black woman spending good money to find a relationship specifically with a white man.  I saved the Dating Page to the dismay of my partner.  Ms. Peacemaker wanted to know why I was bothering to look.  I wasn’t it’s just that this page caught my eye.

So why are you bothering to save it?
There’s this one ad from a single black woman looking for single white guy.  I thought I wanted to do an article about it.
So when are you doing this article?
I’ll write it as soon as I can.
Look, if you have something to say to me why don’t you just come out with it and stop doing this sneaky shit?
Hey, if I was trying to sneak I certainly wouldn’t leave the paper lying around like that.  And even if I did I wouldn’t tell you, at least not yet.

For some reason or another she didn’t find that last part funny.  That conversation was a few weeks ago.  I’m just now getting around to writing.

I don’t fault black people for dating outside our race.  A lot of men are attracted to women of various races.  A lot of women are attracted to men of various races.  But I am always saddened to see black people who simply refuse to date their own.  I know a lot of black people will say that the number of good black people to develop a solid relationship is so dismal that they have to go outside the black community or run the risk of not dating at all.  That’s just one of the reasons why black people have to make sure we stipulate that other black people need not apply.  The other reasons black people date exclusively outside our race is a learned dislike for black people as potential relationship partners.

And by what measure are black people considered inadequate candidates for other black people?  I remember seeing a black man complaining that there was not a single black women who shared his interest that he wanted to have a relationship with.  What was his interest?  The black man wanted a woman who could discuss things in detail such as the television show Friends.  Having an in depth knowledge of the characters on this show that seldom showed a black person in the background, let alone a substantial guess character, disqualified black women to the point he had to date outside his race.

The single black person that is interested in only single white people has given up on the black community.  There is no interest in helping to keep the black community strong.  There is no interest in helping the black community survive.  There is no interest in raising black children who are strong in their black identity to help assure the future of the black community.  The way some black people act the hooded wooded spotted owl of the Amazon basin has a better chance for a future than the black community.

Interracial relationships that happen as the result of a random act of circumstances are one thing.  Two people from the opposite sides of the racial track that can manage to develop a relationship despite their differences can be a wonderful thing as long as care is taken to respect each other as honest equals.  Too often I’ve seen a situation where someone of obvious African descent will downplay their association with the black community by referring to their self as brown or interracial or biracial or multiracial or mocha or cocoa colored or anything else that might not be so black.  But the same person will not hesitate to recognize their white partner as a fully fledged member of the white community.  White people in an interracial relationship never refer to themselves as peachy or creamed or pink or rosy.  But then again it isn’t very often a white person suffers from an association with the white community.

Black people who want to date exclusively outside the black community do themselves, their ancestors, and their future descendant, if they are lucky enough to have any, a serious disservice.  For every black person that works specifically to develop a relationship with anyone other than another black person, the black community will simply have to exist with one less black person to help in the effort to end this racial disparity.  It is unfortunate, but the black community will do better without people who want to undermine what it means to be black.

Friday, December 19, 2008 Posted by | Black Community, Black Men, Black People, Black Women, Interracial Relationships, Life, Thoughts | 15 Comments