The Fifth Of July Can’t Come Fast Enough

Today is Fourth of July eve.  And the holiday cannot come and go fast enough for me.  Last night, some yahoo of deviant character was lighting, firing, and popping fireworks a little before midnight.  If it was just the one night spent trying to keep people from sleeping that would literally be one thing.  But some of my neighbors have been so inconsiderate that they have been lighting firecrackers for the past month.  I am really beginning to loathe fireworks.

Unfortunately, I have to admit that I was one of those deviants so long ago when I was a kid.  I wouldn’t think anything of lighting a firecracker while neighbors were trying to sleep.  The only reason I didn’t do it was that I knew that a couple of those people trying to sleep were my parents.  And it didn’t matter if they were there or not.  If any neighbors saw me lighting fireworks in the middle of the night, they were sure to call my parents the next day to complain and demand some retribution.  And then mom or dad or both would light my ass as if I was a firecracker.

Now that I’m so much older and most, not all but most, of my deviant behavior has been exorcised from my character, I briefly thought last night that I could call the police.  The police patrols have been extra heavy as of late and I can only assume it’s because people are complaining about firecrackers.  One time, a patrol car came around and the delinquents scattered.  The police parked right at an intersection where there was the most activity.  They stayed there for a few minutes and then left.  Not fifteen minutes later it sounded like a Chinese New Year there were so many pops.  It was as if somebody was trying to say, I’m still here bitches!

So I’ve given up on calling the police.  Besides, our cops have much more important things to do than to chase firecracker wielding idiots.  So I silently wished somebody would just blow their fingers off.  They’d go to the hospital for a hot minute.  But as soon as they got home they’d realize they had another perfectly good hand and would soon be out there again taking the same risk, not learning a damn thing.

So the Fourth can’t come fast enough for me.  I imagine some of my neighbors will light their fireworks in a climatic crescendo of noisy mini explosions.  The air in the neighborhood will be thick with gunpowder and smoke.  The half hearted hope that somebody gets injured will be replaced with the really serious hope that no one gets injured and damage to property will be kept to an absolute minimum.  My mom’s dog will be brought inside a nervous wreck from all the noise and not understanding that there is no real danger.

Come the anti-climax of Sunday the fifth things will die down considerably.  Hopefully, the firecracker venders will be long gone and my neighbors won’t be able to replenish their supplies.  And definitely by Monday or maybe as late as Tuesday the neighborhood will be dry, at least until the next holiday.  Next week can’t come fast enough.