Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba!

And now a word from our sponsor.

Hey folks! I’m Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba and I’m having a sale! Are you having troubles? Do your sorry finances got you down? Do you have medical problems? Do you have girl troubles? Does your boyfriend don’t know he’s your boyfriend? Well come on down to Crazy Baba’s for our end of the month Ifa blowout sale!

Need your warriors? Need an Esu? Or how about an Elegba? What’s the difference? I don’t know! I’m craaaazzzzyyyyy! We have a complete line of Esus and Elegbas ready to open any door you need. Garage doors, barn doors, glass doors, kitchen doors, doggie doors, car doors, you name it! Now how much would you pay? Wait! We got pocket Esus! Take the little guy with you wherever you go. Order one now and he’ll come with his own bottle opener. He’ll open your doors and your bottles.

And who doesn’t need an Ogun pot? We’ve got cast iron pots from just a few inches to cauldrons big enough to bathe in! If you’re like me you know that the bigger the pot the bigger you got. That’s right! You want Ogun to help you get a house? Then you’d better get an Ogun pot the size of a house! And you’d better get your implements too! We got shovels, hammers, knives, rakes, axes! Most people get just the railroad spikes. But we got entire railroad tracks for your Ogun pot! No expense spared!

And who needs an Olokun pot? We’ve got your little winky dinky pots that would choke a goldfish for those who don’t think much of Olokun to pots so big you could drown in it! And with each and every Olokun pot you get these lead goggles to protect your eyes from looking inside it! You know what they say! Look into an Olokun pot and you’ll go blind! These goggles will keep you from saying something stupid like, oh my gosh where am I?

Why I’m at Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba’s down here at the corner of Cross Road and Market.

Got your ilekes? We’ve got ilekes from Orisas you’ve never even heard of before! In fact, we’ve got ilekes for Orisas I’ve never heard of before. We got your Obatala ilekes in white so bright they hurt my eyes! Oh my goodness! Get those Olokun goggles for me! We got Sango ilekes that’ll make your blood boil! We got Yemonja ilekes so blue you’d think you were in an Olokun pot! And our Oya ilekes are so charged they’ll blow your weave off your head! I won’t be demonstrating this one today. Why? Because I’m Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba and not No Weave Baba! He’s my brother!

You need spells? Voodoo smoodoo! We got spells for every occasion! Look at this one! BAAM!! Ha, ha, ha! Now you know you can’t resist coming down to Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba’s at the corner of Cross Road and Market. We got spells to make your mother-in-law go away! I haven’t seen my mother-in-law in years! Took her Esu away to keep him from unlocking the door to her room. I’m just kidding! It was her pocket Esu!

We got perfume for your Osun! Here smell this! Ewww! That’s awful, what the hell is this stuff? Oh! We got Ifa bug spray for any plants around your pots!

We got animals for you! Need lottery numbers? Well give a chicken to Orunmila! Give him a whole heard…or a flock…or a gaggle…or whatever a bunch of birds is called! Only Orunmila knows! Need to give Ochosi a goat? At these prices give him a…a…a bunch of goats! Our Ifa chickens get only certified grade A plus Ifa bird feeds and our goats get certified grade A plus whatever they eat too! How? Who knows? I’m Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba! Don’t take my word for it!

And if you need a reading we got certified grade A plus diviners standing by to help you with whatever you need! Our diviners only eat certified grade A plus Ifa chickens and certified grade A plus Ifa goats! They would call you, but hey, they’re too busy calling and helping other people! So if you need help you’d better call us before we call somebody else! Makes sense? Who cares? I’m Craaaazzzzyyyyy Baba!

The only thing that matters to us is that you’re happy! Because if you’re happy you’ll trust us to make your friends happy. At Crazy Baba’s your life path comes second to your satisfaction. Our single minded focus on your satisfaction is guaranteed. So hurry on down to Crazy Baba’s on the corner of Cross Road and Market during our Ifa blowout sale where our prices for your spiritual development are insane! You’d be craaaazzzzyyyyy not to!